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User talk:Lpalm1111
Welcome Hi, welcome to Creepypasta Wiki! Thanks for your edit to the User:Lpalm1111 page. Please be sure to check out all the Site Rules, as it is important to follow them. Failure to abide by them may result in your account being blocked. Read some new pastas by checking out or browse by topic by checking out the Genre Listing. Please leave a message on my talk page if I can help with anything! Jay ten (talk) 00:19, September 14, 2016 (UTC) Additionally I would strongly recommend taking it to the writer's workshop first as there were a number of issues. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 00:28, September 14, 2016 (UTC) EmpyrealInvective (talk) 00:28, September 14, 2016 (UTC) :^ EmpyrealInvective (talk) 00:34, September 14, 2016 (UTC) ::It's fine, although I would suggest looking over the site rules as there are some infractions that will result in a temporary ban. Additionally since your story has been marked for review, categories really shouldn't be added to it until it's cleared anyways. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 00:50, September 14, 2016 (UTC) Re: Story "That brings us to this point in time. 2016, at the height of high fashion." Sentences need to start with capitalization so numbers should either be written out or sentences should start with words rather than numerics to accommodate the rule. You have a tendency to overuse the protagonist's name: "Richie is well known for his craft-- at least in this borough of NYC. Living off of the pay from various catalog shoots and politically themed photography shows, Richie seemed reasonably successful and presumably content. Richie..." You already identified him once, repeating his name multiple times tends to get repetitive. (There's one paragraph that's five sentences long that re-states Richie's name four separate times). Re-using the same words multiple times can also result in a redundant/repetitive feeling ("His internal conflict began to develop into a whirlwind of internal torment."). "When dreams of clients, of women from all around the world, women he had never seen before, all so modelesque, all so feminine, smooth, unattainable." feels like you're missing a few words there. You also tend to shift tenses throughout the story from past tense ('It was only natural that when a local woman went missing, the rumors only picked up in frequency and severity, unbeknownst to Richie.") to present ("Just before sighing and reaching for the remote to resign to his usual reclusive evening and subsequent night terrors, Richie is caught motionless.") and back to past tense ("He believed himself to have been at home the entire time, thinking he had slept for most of the day, having stayed up quite late the night before."). A lot of this feels like it should be showed to the audience and not told to him. Reading lines like: "The state of his mental health was consistently deteriorating, not enough for him to take immediate notice, but the kind of slow, creeping madness that only hits one once it is almost too late to remedy the source.", "Richie sometimes noticed that he had a hard time tolerating clients for long enough to complete the shoot.", and "It was becoming increasingly difficult for him to escape the emotions and impulses which plagued him in his everyday life during his hectic work day." for example don't really trigger the same level of involvement in the audience as letting them infer these things. These events feel like they're being passively told to us. The twist that Richie likely the killer of these women feels extremely telegraphed early on and the passive nature of giving the audience these facts rather than presenting them with a scenario and proceeding from there really detracts from the story. A majority of these problems seem to fall on the method of telling the story in such a way that there really isn't much incentive to reading it (as the facts tend to be spoon-fed) and the realization that the scenario is pretty standard given the detailed character explanation for only Richie and then presenting information that there's a suspect on the loose targeting women makes for a problematic story. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 01:30, September 14, 2016 (UTC) :As for the mention/worry of a temporary ban, I was referencing the fact that you created a number of false categories (some after being warned), which typically results in a one day ban. There are additionally other infractions listed on the site that result in bans outright and not warnings so I was trying to give you a heads-up as you already had issues with the categories and posting stories to your user page, both of which result in warnings (seen above). EmpyrealInvective (talk) 01:34, September 14, 2016 (UTC) Okay yeah I see what you mean! I guess it just isn't written well enough to convey what I wanted to. I hope my ignorance won't result in a ban though, I didn't intend to break any rules in my poor writing. Thanks! Lydia Lpalm1111 (talk) 01:33, September 14, 2016 (UTC) :No problem, I'm just trying to give some advice as I know how it is to start off on a site (like this one) and have to deal with the learning curve. This wiki tries to help its authors and provide feedback so they can improve their writing. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 01:35, September 14, 2016 (UTC) ::There are a lot of rules here to keep a bit of structure to the chaos. Unfortunately we had a number of false categories and stories posted to user pages in the past which resulted in a lot of extra work for the admins. Also I see your story was deleted, I suggest taking it to the writer's workshop if you're looking to improve it before attempting an appeal. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 01:57, September 14, 2016 (UTC) Re: It's fine. Just don't create any more categories. I haven't read your story yet, but I will try to soon. As Empy has already pointed out a lot of issues, I'm going to guess that it isn't up to our quality standards. If it gets deleted, I would recommend using the writer's workshop as he mentioned in one of the above messages. Jay Ten (talk) 01:46, September 14, 2016 (UTC) Story deletion Your story has been deleted because it doesn't meet the wiki's quality standards. If you feel that it did meet the standards, please state your case on Deletion Appeal. Make sure you follow the instructions to the letter there, or your appeal will be automatically denied. DO NOT ATTEMPT TO REUPLOAD YOUR PASTA. If you upload it again, you'll receive a 1-day ban from editing, as per the rules. Read the Deletion FAQ and our Style Guide for Writing for details on the 'what' and 'why' of the deletions we make. Read this guide and these blog posts for further details on how you can improve your story/stories to make them meet our quality standards. For additional help, submit your story to the Writer's Workshop for feedback. Jay Ten (talk) 01:54, September 14, 2016 (UTC) Notice: Sorry to keep doing this, but since talk pages are a matter of public record, blanking them is not allowed. We need these records to keep a tally of interactions and issues for wiki as a whole. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 02:00, September 14, 2016 (UTC) Oh, okay, that's fine, didn't know! I was planning on just giving up forever so I figured clearing my page would be the best bet. Sorry! Lpalm1111 (talk) 02:01, September 14, 2016 (UTC) :No need to give up forever. Your story wasn't that far off. A little bit of time in the workshop and you could probably bring it up to QS. Gotta put in the effort though. :Jay Ten (talk) 02:04, September 14, 2016 (UTC) ::Yeah, we need those records unfortunately. As for giving up, the writing wasn't terrible (very little in ways of mechanical errors), the style just needed tweaking. You can give up if you want, but I don't think it's the best option if you enjoy writing. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 02:05, September 14, 2016 (UTC) ::Writing is not my primary passion. I mostly create artwork and paintings. I just thought I would give it a shot, I guess it just wasn't my thing. I appreciate the help anyway though and for you not making fun of me haha :) I just wish everyone else couldn't see my failure LOL I almost want to change my username on the off chance that anyone I know would recognize me. Oh well-- such is life! In fact, it would be nice if I did get banned so nobody would have to see this (unless thats the same as disabling your account) ::Sure wish I had the computer hacking skills to get myself outta this one haha ::Lpalm1111 (talk) 02:09, September 14, 2016 (UTC) :::You can have wiki disable the account by filling out a request on the community wiki, but this page will still be here. Additionally if you're worried about people, they can't see the original story and if they mock you for trying to branch out, that seems more like their problem and not yours. Then again, that's just my perspective. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 02:22, September 14, 2016 (UTC) :::My tiny victory is being able to spell check you once, of all the dumb mistakes I made in my writing this isn't valid at all but... *their :::DANG IT YOU BEAT ME TO IT. Well, whatever hahaha, thanks for the support guys. :::(My question was whether this page would still be visible if I was banned, but I'm not going to try to get banned, so.) ::::I AM INFALLIBAL! (Shit....) Best of luck to you with your artwork and painting. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 02:33, September 14, 2016 (UTC) ::::With a smug smile and warm regards, *infalliable :) if you ever feel like checking my stuff out, my email is the same as my username with no uppercase letters and @gmail.com at the end, haha :) feel free to reach out if you wish! ::::Lpalm1111 (talk) 02:41, September 14, 2016 (UTC)